Pair of scissors, Tristan.
Thank you.
Right.
(HORSE WHINNIES)
Scissors.
Come on, man!
There's a good fella. There we are.
Thank you, Lucy.
Well, that should do it, Major Headingley.
-She all right now? -I think so, yes.
I'll look in in a few days' time, make absolutely certain. Lucky we caught it in time.
Hear that, Deirdre?
Will she be all right by November? That's what she wants to know.
I guess she'll be sound for hunting, don't you worry, Deirdre.
Damn good of you to turn out so promptly.
Always a pleasure to come here, Major Headingley.
Beautiful horses, beautiful stables,
-and a beautiful daughter to boot. Eh, Tristan? -(MAJOR HEADINGLEY LAUGHS)
Oh, yes!
Yes.
Well, now, how about a snifter before you go?
-Why not, sir? -Good.
We'll be seeing you at Deirdre's coming out, no doubt.
Wouldn't miss it for the world,
-would we, Tristan? -Um, no. Definitely not.
And a pound of the mixed biscuits, please.
-A pound? -Yes, they're delicious.
You know how you wolf them down.
Now then, what else do I need?
Well, I could do with a drink.
What? At this time of day, James? Whatever happened to your good intentions?
-Oh, I must get some cheese. -I'm parched.
-And half a pound of wensley, please. -Yes, Mrs Herriot.
You can have a nice glass of water when we get home.
-Water? -Yes. Do you good.
-Ready for the privations ahead. -The what?
That'll be four and tuppence taking all together, Mrs Herriot.
Thank you. If there's a war.
Oh, I see.
Been listening to Siegfried, have we?
-Good bye, Deirdre! -MAJOR: Bye. Thank you.
-I think she likes you, Tristan. -I'm afraid she does.
She's an awfully good sort.
(STARTS ENGINE)
Well, she's no Hedy Lamarr, perhaps. Who wants that kind of thing?
Well, what I mean to say, Tristan, is she's such a sweet young thing.
She's an enchanting character.
-Her father is a master of fox hounds. -Ah!
You know, Tristan, you really ought to come out with us one day. I think you'd enjoy it.
Thundering across the countryside,
the feel of a powerful animal between your legs, the wind roaring in your ears.
-Lungfuls of God's fresh air... -(TRISTAN COUGHS)
Oh, good lord!
Oh, it's so difficult, isn't it?
Whichever one I choose, I'm bound to find it's the wrong one when I get home.
-(JAMES LAUGHS) Helen... -Mmm?
Excuse me.
Darling, do we really need another wooden spoon?
-You think I should get the ladle? Fine. -No.
Why don't you serve someone else? We'll just be a few minutes.
The thing is, darling, Mrs Hall has a wide range of kitchen implements.
I'm sure she'll willingly lend you a spoon or a ladle.
In fact, if you got her on a good day, I dare say she'd lend you both.
Don't you want me to build a home for us, darling?
Well off course I do, darling, but I...
Actually, I need both.
It's for jam making, you see. We can't spend the rest of our lives eating Mrs Hall's jam.
Why don't you just buy some? In jars.
If there's a war we won't be able to buy any.
Oh, if, if, if. Why don't you just wait and see?
I'm beginning to wish we hadn't taken the morning off.
You're not the only one.
-Oh, look, James! -What?
-Oh! I wonder who he belongs to? -He must belong to someone.
Aah!
There you are, you monkey!
(CUSTOMERS LAUGH)
Well, obviously not to him. Morning, Mr Blenkiron.
-Morning, Mr Herriot. It's a fine dog, that. -Oh, yeah.
Been trying to get near him all morning. Won't let anyone touch him.
Oh, really? Well, let me have a go.
-He seems friendly enough. -Mmm.
-Look, he's starving. -Don't frighten him, darling!
Mr Blenkiron... Thank you.
There's a good dog. Good dog...
That's the way. Good dog.
That's it.
(CUSTOMERS LAUGH)
Not the best way to drum up business, darling!
Ah, he's scared.
Probably been ill-treated by someone, then dumped when they got tired of him.
Yes, I'm afraid you're probably right.
Oh, there's some lovely folk round here. You wouldn't believe some of things we see.
Still, no need to look on the black side.
He probably just escaped from someone's garden.
I expect they've got the search parties out for him already.
I hope so!
-Bye. -Bye.
Bye-bye.
Do you know who owns that dog?
-Erm, James, might I have a word? -Yes. Yes, of course. I'll...
-(DOG BARKING) -Here you are, darling.
-Uh! Don't keep him long, Tris. He's a tired man. -Oh, really?
He's just discovered the rigours of being a vet
are nothing compared to a heavy bout of shopping.
-I, I think you should sit down, James. -Oh, thanks, Tris.
-What is it? -Well, it's really a little bit dicey, actually.
Mm-hmm...
You know the way Siegfried seems to think I'm incapable
of running my life like a mature adult?
-Does he? -Well you know he does!
Well, anyway, this time he's gone too far.
He's trying to pair me off with the daughter of one of his hunting cronies.
A really dreadful girl.
-Who is it? -Her name's Deirdre.
Not the one whose coming-out we're all going to?
-Mm-hmm. -Oh.
Well, I hope you'll both be very happy together.
It's no joke, James! I need your help.
I can't possibly go to the wretched party, but how can I get out of it?
Oh, Tris, you're exaggerating! Siegfried wouldn't try and pair you two off.
Oh, yes, he would and I'll tell you why. Her father is master of hounds.
-Her father's master of hounds. -Ah!
I fear he wants to form an inextricable link between the two families.
-Oh-oh! -Look!
Today's Wednesday and the do's on Friday.
That only leaves us two days to think of something. You will try and help?
It's all right, Tris.
I'm not very good at that sort of thing.
-Anything the matter? -Yes. It's this hateful paper.
No, honestly, I've licked so much of the wretched stuff this morning
-I feel positively sick. -Oh!
-I really don't think I need do any more. -Oh, that would be a pity.
Yes. You know, it's really rather good. It has a certain...
How can I put it?
You ever thought of taking it up professionally if all else fails?
-Oh, do stop mucking about. -No really, Tristan.
I think you may have found your forte at last.
We've obviously been wasting our time all these years
forcing you to cope with dumb animals.
Siegfried, if you don't want me to help, you only have to say so.
Anyway, if you ask me, the whole thing's a waste of time.
-Is it? -Everyone says there will never be a war.
-Oh, they do. Do they really? -Yes.
And who might you mean by "everybody"?
Well, old Mr Arkwright, for one.
I was talking to him only the other night. And Fred Watson.
Oh, you mean the inhabitants of the Drovers Arms. Why dint you say so. I rest my case.
It's all very well to mock, Siegfried, but they're no fools, you know.
They both fought in the last war and what they said made eminent sense to me.
The way they look at it is that, well,
the Germans learnt their lesson the last time,
so they're not going to come looking for trouble again.
That's why they're threatening to invade Poland, I suppose.
Oh, I don't know about that. It's no use blinding me with facts.
Evidently!
Anyway, even if there were a war,
they'd never bomb up here, so why waste perfectly good sticky paper?
-Tristan, you astonish me! -It's plain common sense.
It's that unerring knack you have of always
being able to put your finger right on the heart of the matter.
I'm surprised Mr Chamberlain hasn't sent for you ages ago.
I'm sorry, old chap. It's tender, isn't it?
-Poor Hamish. -Hamish?
-His grandfather was a Scottie. -Oh.
Is it serious?
-It's an aural haematoma. -A what?
Aural haematoma.
I heard you the first time. Is it possible to tell me using the King's English?
Oh! You're not familiar with the phrase?
I was a teacher of English, Mr Herriot.
I'm not acquainted with double Dutch.
Though I have heard that some of the medical profession
seem to love blinding their patients with science.
Well, it's nothing to worry about really, Miss Westerman.
An aural haematoma is when the little blood vessels
between the skin and the cartilage of the ear burst.
The blood flows out and thus causes disten...swelling.
-How dreadful. -No, not really.
-What causes it? -Oh, canker, usually.
Now, has he been shaking his head a lot lately?
-Yes, he has! He has. -Ah!
Right. Now...
Yes, you see, he does have just a touch of it.
It's not uncommon in this breed.
He shakes his head to try and get rid of it, you see, and that bursts the blood vessels.
What am I to do?
Well, he'll have to have an operation, I'm afraid.
Oh, no. What, here?
Well it will be safer and a lot easier than at home.
Now, let me see...
We can do...
Ah, here we are, yes.
If you could bring him in at 10:00 tomorrow?
-Tomorrow? -Yes, please.
I am busy tomorrow. I have a coffee morning at 10:30.
Well, in that case, Miss Westerman, I'm afraid
I can't guarantee to do it for at least another week.
And I'm sure you wouldn't want the poor chap
to go on suffering any longer than he has to.
There we are, old boy. Good dog.
There we are.
Very well.
Come along. We're going home now.
Good day, Miss Westerman.
-Out the way, boy. -Er, James.
Excuse me... Sorry Hamish.
Good morning.
Wouldn't like to meet her in a dark alley. What did you do to her?
-Nothing! -Well, she obviously didn't like it.
Well, we'd better make a very good job of her Hamish.
-Um-hmm. -Anyone else waiting?
No, it's all clear.
Thank goodness for that. We had most of Darrowby in here today.
Now... Miss Westerman at ten...
Can I help you?
You haven't had any further thoughts about you know what?
The dreaded Deirdre.
Oh, I'm sorry, Tris, I haven't had a moment to myself. Excuse me.
Um, there is something else, actually.
-Oh, really? What's that? -Siegfried asked me to give you this.
-Uh-huh... -He said there's no particular hurry as long as...
Both these windows are done by lunchtime.
Yes, Mr Stokill, I understand.
Have no fear, I'll be out straight away. Goodbye.
Hello, James. Busy morning?
James?
-Very busy, thank you Siegfried, yes. -Good, good.
Hmm... A particularly heavy surgery,
after which I was delighted to be commandeered
by air raid warden Tristan to decorate the surgery.
Decorate the...
What are you talking about, James?
The lazy, lolloping, good-for-nothing...
-You mean to say you didn't tell Tristan... -Of course I didn't, James!
Do you honestly think I'd waste your time
when there's that perfectly healthy creature bumbling about the house
bubbling over with unused energy. Where do you suppose he is he?
He's probably miles away by now, if he's got any sense.
He's probably out with that ghastly barmaid from the Drovers Arms.
What he sees in her beats me.
Which particular barmaid would that be?
Oh, the most awful girl, James. He thinks I don't know.
Hair like wire netting.
She must coat it with gold paint at least twice a day.
-(JAMES LAUGHING) -Why can't he find somebody more suitable?
-Like Deirdre Headingley. -I wouldn't wish that on the poor girl.
Still, she'll probably have enough to choose from on Friday.
I must say, it's rather pleasant, James, we've all been invited.
You'll like the Headingleys. You know, you'll like them very much, indeed.
And of course it won't be bad for the business.
-(BOTH CHUCKLING) -(MUSIC PLAYS)
-Shh. -What?
Don't do anything rash, Siegfried.
-Siegfried. -Yes, little brother.
I'm so glad to see you enjoying yourself.
-We were worried, weren't we, James? -Yes, very.
We thought you might have been overdoing things a bit. Wouldn't want that.
Jolly decent of you, Siegfried.
Actually you might find this hard to believe.
I've been checking the news for you on the wireless.
Just in case there are any developments, you know, things of national importance.
Well, we must have a chat about that.
I didn't actually catch very much...
Never mind. We'll chat about that afterwards.
-After what? -Oh, didn't I tell you?
I've got a little job for you. James is coming along too, aren't you, James?
Mm-hmm.
(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)
How are you, Mr Stokill.
Oh, fair to middling.
But it's only a little job.
I don't know what you brought these young fellas with you for.
Well, we were just passing. Where's the beast?
There.
She's been on three legs a couple of days now. I reckon she's got a bit of foul.
-What do you think, James? -Need to have a look first.
Tristan.
Oh, right. I agree with James.
On you go then.
-Pardon? -Have a look.
Oh, right.
Just run her into the passage, there's a good fellow.
Right.
-Mr Farnon. -Later, Mr Stokill, please.
But I told you, Mr Farnon.
After him, Tristan. Go on!
I said on the phone she were a bit odd.
You have to scatter a bit of straw down the passage, that's all.
I remember your saying, but... I'll bear it in mind for future use.
(PANTING)
It's no good. She'll never go in there.
Why on earth are you being such a flapabout?
All you need to do is scatter a little bit of straw.
-Straw? -Yes, there and down the passage. Never fails.
-Isn't that so, James? -Oh, yes. Certainly. Straw. Swear by it.
Don't you know?
Perfect. Now send her on.
All comes with experience, dear brother. You'll learn.
(COW MOOS)
Have you any idea why James and I have been ordered to eat down here tonight?
-If you don't want to you've only got to say. -It's not that...
-If there's anything wrong with my cooking... -Well of course not, Mrs Hall.
-It's delicious! -If you want to stay upstairs, I don't mind. Not at all.
No, no, it's just...
I rather enjoy our little meals together. We don't see much of each other.
-We don't see much of each other as it is. -I know.
-It's only right you should want to cook his meal for him. -(LAUGHS)
But believe me, I was the same when we were first married,
but after a few years of cooking day in and day out,
you'll be down on your hands and knees
-praying for a time like this. -I suppose you're right.
-Evening, Mrs Hall. -Evening, Mr Herriot.
-Helen. -Hello.
Well, I understand we're partaking in the festivities down here tonight.
-So I believe. -Not festivities, James.
More your simple home cooking, I hope.
It's the siege mentality. I've asked Mrs Hall to give us simple, nourishing meals
that'll fill our bellies without depleting our supplies.
Have you managed to do that, Mrs Hall?
I'm not a magician, you know.
Good for you, Mrs Hall.
Oh, by the way, you two, I've decided you should share our table
-permanently from now on. -Oh, really?
Yes. In view of the gravity of the situation
I think burning two stoves and heating two rooms is a needless extravagance.
You don't think you might have asked us our opinion first?
James...
No, Helen, my dear, your husband's quite right. I should've thought.
Please accept my deepest apologies, James.
All right, Mrs Hall, you'd better reveal what's in that wonderful tureen.
I must confess to being a trifle peckish.
-What is it? -Tripe.
-It's very healthy. -Very cheap.
Anything wrong?
-No, no, no. Is it cooked? -Of course not.
-Its 'Uddersfield tripe. -Ah!
It's a jolly wholesome meal, that.
Well, if you don't want it, I'll take it down to Mrs Faggetter.
She'll appreciate it.
-Mrs Faggeter? -Aye, poor old dear.
She got hardly any money coming in at all since her Harold went.
Some people can't afford to pick and choose.
That's a first rate idea, Mrs Hall. Can't think why I didn't think of it myself.
As far as I'm concerned, she's welcome to my entire share.
And I hope that more of us will be prepared to make such sacrifices in the future.
Oh, absolutely.
Uh, have you got any jam, Mrs Hall?
(DOGS BARK)
Oh no. Where's Mr Farnon?
-I'm Mr Farnon. -I mean the proper one, not his junior.
We're a busy practice, Mr Stokill, We can't always guarantee who'll be free.
But I promise you that we are fully qualified to deal with all your problems.
Please, Mr Stokill.
Some little pigs in this pen here. Got a bit of scour.
(PIGS GRUNT)
I want you to give them a jab with your needle.
Well, I'll have a look, shall I?
(PIGLET SQUEALING)
James!
Thank you, Tris.
I could have told you that would happen.
Well, I wish you had, Mr Stokill.
She's a mite temperamental, that's all. Just needs proper handling.
Seems you've got a lot of temperamental animals here, Mr Stokill.
Not if you treat them right, young man.
Some folk don't seem to know how. That's all.
Well, she'll have to be penned up before we can do anything.
-I'll shift her for you. -No, you won't. We'll do it.
Ah. Suit yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you.
Why don't we let him do it, James?
Oh, come on, Tris. That poor old man? He'd get eaten alive.
No, nothing mysterious about a sow wanting to protect her young.
Perfectly normal. And she'll respond to normal methods.
I'll soon get her in.
Go on. It's over there.
Go on, that's it. Go on.
Go on. Good piggy.
Go on.
That's it. Go on. Over there.
Go over there!
Oh! Not still waiting, Miss Westerman. That's simply not good enough.
I shall talk to them about it myself.
-They'll hear more of this. -I hope so.
I would offer to look after young, er... Hamilton...
-Hamish! -(CHUCKLES) Hamish, Hamish.
-But I am in the most dreadful hurry. -So am I, Mr Farnon.
I was told ten o'clock. It's now five and twenty past.
And I have a coffee morning starting in five minutes.
-I'm sure they'll keep the pot hot for you. -I'm providing the coffee.
Ah.
Well, I'll see if Mrs Hall can rustle something up for you.
Oh, that's not the point.
If it's any consolation, Miss Westerman,
it must have been something very urgent to delay them.
Barbarian!
Not over there. Over there. Good piggy. Go on, go on, piggy.
Over...
That way, that way. Good piggy. Come on.
I think Mr Stokill's got other ideas, James.
What on earth?
Out the way, young man.
(PIG GRUNTS)
Right. Now you can get on.
Tray.
-James. -Mmm?
You know what I said about not going to the Headingleys' tonight?
Mmm?
Well, to be perfectly honest, I've got another reason,
you know, for not wanting to go, apart from avoiding Deirdre.
-Oh? What's her name? -Lydia.
-How did you know? -Well, it's not awfully difficult.
Well she's terribly nice, James, I mean...
Not much up top, admittedly but great fun.
-It's not that blonde girl from the Drovers Arms, is it? -How did you know? Look...
Don't tell Siegfried, really. He doesn't know a thing about it.
No. Of course not.
Needle.
Thank you.
So, what's the problem?
Well, you see, I've sort of arranged to see her tonight.
She only gets one night off a week.
Well, you better sort of un-arrange it.
I can't.
You can't miss Deirdre Headingley's coming-out, either.
I know.
I was rather hoping you'd come up with something.
Sorry.
(SIGHS)
I suppose I could just not turn up,
plead loss of memory.
Or tear a hole in my dinner jacket. That's not a bad idea.
Let's face it, Tris, you have got to go.
Just look upon it as business rather than pleasure.
Lydia's gonna be furious.
Busy?
Matter of fact, I have been, yes.
How's the famous Hingist?
-Hamish. -Hamish, I mean.
Well, he'll be fine as long as I can get these buttons sewn on.
What a wonderfully clever idea!
They're just ordinary shirt buttons.
That's so simple! Don't you agree?
Oh, yes.
This is the stuff of real life.
This is the stuff you don't learn from textbooks.
Observe and learn, Tristan, my boy. Observe and learn.
Yes, that's why I'm here, Siegfried.
Is it? Good.
So what are the shirt buttons for?
Um...
To distribute the pressure evenly, you know, over the ear.
Well done, you.
Why?
To make the skin stick to the cartilage.
I'm not a complete idiot, you know.
No, indeed you're not.
Excellent! There's hope for you yet!
May I have it back, please?
-What's that, James? -The button.
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
I won't distract you again, James.
-Thank you. -I promise.
Who had to deal with the dragon?
I did, actually.
Well, you haven't come out of it badly.
Yeah, I've a way with elderly spinsters, you know, even if I say it myself.
Yes, and I hear with others not so elderly. Do I hear it right?
-I've been meaning... -Siegfried, I wonder if we might talk later?
I've just remembered I've got a terribly important...
SIEGFRIED: Here's to tonight, James.
Cheers.
(BELL CHIMING)
Something wrong?
No, just the thought of an evening spent with the hunting fraternity,
all talking horses, 19 to the dozen.
Come away, James! You'll enjoy yourself. I know you will.
One thing about the Headingleys, they never sit their guests.
Frankly, Siegfried, I'd prefer an early night.
An early night? Can I believe my ears?
My goodness me, James, you're a long time dead.
-Don't stop practising now. -Now, Siegfried!
No, I mean it, honestly!
-Next thing is you'll be taking a nap after lunch. -(SCOFFS)
-May I come in? -Yes, come in.
Help me persuade your foolish stick-in-the-mud...
My dear Helen!
What a beautiful frock!
Oh, don't sound so surprised!
No! I didn't mean that.
Well, if that doesn't convince you you're going to enjoy yourself...
-No, you're right. Sorry. -Well that's better.
Well, now if you don't mind, I'm going to leave you two love-birds to yourselves.
-I must have a word with Mrs Hall about messages. -Ah.
I have a feeling we're all going to enjoy ourselves tonight.
Fiddling while Rome burns?
No, James, I never fiddle.
-I didn't mean... -Don't worry.
-(EXHALES) -What is it, darling?
(SCOFFS) Siegfried's extraordinary!
He can see the positive side to everything.
Well?
Here you are, darling.
-Voila. -Thank you.
-Have you heard the news? -No.
The government has signed an alliance with Poland.
What does that mean?
It means, that if Germany invades Poland, we're at war.
I see.
So it's as close as that?
It does make all this seem a bit pointless, doesn't it?
No, it doesn't!
Life has to go on.
And you do look beautiful, darling.
I can't wait for all those jealous looks I'm gonna get.
Huh?
(CHUCKLES)
Aren't you getting ready yet?
Um, I've just been making sure Hamish is all right.
Hamish?
Oh, Hamish! Sensible fellow!
Even I quail at the thought of another confrontation with Miss Westerman.
-How is he? -Oh, a bit groggy. Apart from that fine.
When's she...
Coming to pick him up?
Sometime this evening, she said.
I trust you told her we'd be out?
Oh, no. I didn't really want to get us into her bad books.
Well, there's nothing for it, is there?
You'll just have to telephone and explain that plans have changed.
-I can't do that. -Then I shall.
-No, you can't! -Why not?
She's coming here straight from her aunt's.
She has an aunt?
Oh, yes. She lives miles away from here.
-Where? -Um, that I don't know.
-What are you doing? -Looking up her telephone number.
-You don't know where she lives. -Miss Westerman.
I told you, she was out.
No harm in trying.
-Darrowby 7-2. -Siegfried, I think, this is a bit much.
I mean, don't you believe me or something?
I know what your game is, Tristan.
But if you're trying to get out of coming as well...
Why? Who else is trying to get out of coming?
Heaven knows what you're up to.
Something unsavoury, I imagine.
Oh, yes? Tell me more.
All, right, James. He...
Oh, damn!
See? I told you she was out.
I do wish you'd believe me sometimes.
All right, you win. You can stay here.
All evening, mind. No nipping off to the Drovers Arms.
Of course not, Siegfried.
I don't know what I'll say to the Headingleys, heaven alone knows.
Well, perhaps, you could say I've been unavoidably detained through pressure of work.
Well, it had better be work.
Poor Deirdre Headingley.
Well, to be perfectly honest, Siegfried, I do have severe doubts
as to whether I'm really Deirdre Headingley's type.
-Who said you were? -I thought...
I was simply expressing concern that nobody seems to want to go to her party.
I've long since ceased interfering in your affaires de coeur!
Oh, I see.
Well, fine.
Have you really, Siegfried?
Of course, I have.
What's that suspicious look, James?
Nothing.
Well, I won't deny that the idea
of the Farnons and the Headingleys riding to hounds together
does have a certain attraction,
but anything more permanent...
Good lord, think of the havoc he could cause.
A few misplaced words over the dinner table...
Doesn't bear thinking about.
I see what you mean.
Come on, Helen, my dear child, time we were off.
Come on, James.
-Come on, darling. -I'm coming.
"In such a night as this..."
You old romantic.
Oh, let's enjoy it, Helen, while we can.
Excuse me.
Tris...
Look, honestly, was that a complete lie from beginning to end,
or was there just a grain of truth in it?
Have a nice evening, James.
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(PHONE RINGING)
You get it, Tris. Bound to be for you.
TRISTAN: Oh, just a tick.
Darrowby 8-5.
Mr Herriot?
Can I help?
Oh, hello, Mr Blenkiron.
I'll hand you over to my colleague.
-(CAR HORN HONKS) -I'm just on my way out. Tris!
It's you I'd rather talk to, Mr Herriot, if you don't mind.
I'm sorry, but I really am in a hurry.
It's about that dog we saw the other day.
Don't know if you remember.
Yes, of course, I remember it.
Come along, darling!
JAMES: The dog that was begging for food?
Ah, that's the one. Well...
He's met with a bit of an accident.
It's real bad one as a matter of fact.
One of our men found him on the roadside
just out of town and brought him in.
I suppose there's naught you can do, but...
All right, Mr Blenkiron.
The dog's hurt.
I'll be right over.
Goodbye.
I sure Siegfried won't mind.
Rescuing stray dogs from death's door?
James, what's the matter with you?
I asked him to, Siegfried.
Did you?
Well, I really would have thought that Miss Westerman and the dreaded Hamlet...
-Hamish. -Hamish!
-Were enough. -Oh. be reasonable, Siegfried.
No, I will not be reasonable!
It's a question of priorities, James.
Domestic pets are surrounded with the best of things.
If there's to be a choice,
the farmers are the ones who are going to come first.
The people who produce the stuff that keeps us all alive.
And a good thing, too.
Well, I'll still find time for Miss Westerman and stray dogs.
Then you're a fool.
Just as you'll still find time for your hounds and horses, Siegfried.
Are you coming, Siegfried?
No, certainly not. I'm going straight to the Headingleys'.
-Well, I'm going with James. -What?
Well, all right, I'll drive you to the police station!
As long as you promise not to be too long.
But don't expect me to help.
Darrowby 9-2, please.
(CAR DEPARTS)
Hello, darling.
The coast is clear.
Mmm, the whole evening.
Yes, I know I am. (SNIGGERS)
Well, any time you want. The sooner the better.
I'll be here.
Bye-bye, now. (KISSES)
(RADIO CRACKLING)
(SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS)
-There are spare bulbs in pantry. -Pardon?
I said, there are spare bulbs in pantry.
Oh, I thought the lights had gone.
Oh, no, no, no. I was just trying to save electricity.
Um...
-(MUSIC STOPS) -Mrs Hall...
Are you going to be around all evening?
Well, where else would I be?
Quite.
Do you know, I've been thinking
about that poor old woman you were telling us about.
Sit down.
-What, Mrs Faggeter? -That's the one.
Oh, it's a terrible shame.
Do you know, It's been preying on my mind ever since you told us.
Honestly, it has. Did she enjoy her dinner?
Said she'd rather have a bit of mutton.
Oh, did she?
Well, look, um...
Perhaps you could buy her some with this?
Or anything else she cares to get with it.
Oh, that's very generous of you, Mr Tristan.
Well, don't tell the others about it. I don't like to brag.
I'll get it for her in the morning.
Oh no, couldn't you get it for her tonight?
Oh, no, of course, you can't.
Just the thought of that poor old woman all alone all evening.
You could go for a cup of tea.
Or even two.
I mean, I'm going to be here looking after Hamish,
so there's no need to hurry back.
Well, aye, Mr Tristan.
I'll do that.
Thank you very much.
She'll enjoy a nice long gossip.
Well, you stay as long as you like, Mrs Hall.
-Good night, Mr Tristan. -Good night, then.
Oh.
Didn't want to leave him in the kennels with the other dogs.
You stay here, Helen.
-But James... -He's in a nasty state, miss.
(WHISPERS) All right. It's all right.
Well, at least he can manage a wag.
Aye, he's right friendly.
Well, he's probably been hit by some vehicle.
Maybe dragged along by the look of those wounds.
-What's the best thing for him? -Well...
To be honest, Mr Blenkiron, a quick overdose of anaesthetic.
-James, no. -Whatever you think's best.
Look, even if by some remote chance I can patch him up,
well, he is a stray, isn't he?
-No one really wants him. -We'll have him.
No, darling, Siegfried's right.
We can't take in every waif and stray in the district.
Oscar was one thing, but we're a veterinary practice, not a dogs' home.
Mr Blenkiron, how long is it that you can keep a dog
before you have to put him down? It's about 10 days, isn't it?
That's right, yeah.
Well don't let that bother you, Mr. Herriot.
If that's all that's worrying you,
you stitch him up, I'll take him in myself.
-Well, it's... -I've got two children always yammering after a dog and...
I reckon he'd suit 'em champion.
Question is, can he be put right again?
-(BOTH LAUGHING) -(SLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
So I said, "No, I'm sorry, I flatly refuse.
"You could offer me champagne and caviare at The Ritz,
"I'd still plump for the evening at home with Lydia."
I say, darling, isn't it a bit bright for you in here?
James!
-JAMES: In here, Siegfried. -Evening, Mr Farnon.
James.
James, what on earth's keeping you?
Care to give us an opinion, please, Siegfried?
We're already 30, 35 minutes late.
That's my opinion, James.
Evening, Mr Blenkiron.
Oh, good grief.
Hello, old fella.
Now, now, fella.
All right, old boy.
We're obviously not going to be able to move him.
We shall have to do what we can here.
Well, get a move on, James. We shall be here till midnight if you don't do something.
-You know what we need? -Everything we need is in the bag, Siegfried.
-Yes, good. -Except the morphia.
-Well, you have to get that. -Anything I can do, Mr Farnon?
Ah, yes, Mr Blenkiron.
If you would...
Get a bowl of piping hot water,
as much clean linen as you can spare,
and if your establishment runs to a bar of soap...
-Right. -Helen...
Would you be kind and telephone Alfreda Headingley?
Tell her we've been unavoidably delayed.
Right. Thank you.
Now, old fella.
(CAR DEPARTS)
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Tris?
TRISTAN: James?
Tris, where are you?
-Where's Siegfried? -At the police station.
-What? -It is too complicated to explain.
-You mean you didn't bring him with you? -No.
-Look, I have to go, Tris. -Oh, I've ruined it all for nothing.
I thought you were him.
We were getting on so well, too. Blissfully.
-"We"? -Lydia.
Dear, sweet Lydia. She'll never talk to me again, of course.
Tristan, you're exaggerating. Now look, I have to go.
No, you see, I'm not. I panicked. I heard the door slam,
I didn't think, I threw her off the couch and straight out the French windows.
I told her to go straight home.
Yes, I did hear a commotion.
That was Lydia landing in the rockery.
Ah, and the high-pitched squeals?
Lydia in the rose bushes.
You see, she doesn't know the geography of the place.
I bet she does now. Now, I'm sorry, Tris, but I have to go.
You're leaving my life in ruins around me.
Thank you, James. Thank you, very much.
It's after all what friends are for.
Oh, come on!
Now that Hamish is safely out of the way,
-you've got the rest of the evening to yourself. -Oh, no!
-Tris, you haven't! -James!
It must have been when I opened the French windows,
the little beast must have dashed out after us!
Tris, you really are...
What about miss Westerman?
I'll find him. He must be out there somewhere.
He could be anywhere by now!
-(BELL CHIMING) -Oh, God, that'll be her! Hamish!
-Trish, Come back! -Hamish!
I've got a sick dog to deal with!
-Come back and face up to your responsibilities! -Hamish!
-(BELL CHIMING) -Oh, damn!
-Where's Tristan? -Ah...
-He's in there, isn't he? -Tristan's...
There, old boy.
What on earth kept you so long?
Yes, sorry. We lost something,
Tristan and I, so we, um, we had to look for it.
-SIEGFRIED: Hope you found it. -Oh, yes.
Well now,
amazing what you can do when you have to, isn't it?
Look at all this! Mr Blenkiron's got quite a little surgery here.
Why not let me take over, Siegfried?
Then you can get off to the Headingleys.
No, Helen was very kind to have telephoned...
Explained that I shan't be able to make it.
You two go if you want to.
Oh, Siegfried, you must go!
-Just give me the morphine, James, would you? -Oh!
-Thank you. -White coat?
Don't fuss, James.
Don't be ridiculous, darling! Of course I wasn't hiding!
-I was... -Look at my stockings. They're ruined.
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, darling.
Oh, don't "darling" me!
Look, I'll buy you another pair, honestly.
You'd better! What the hell do you think you're playing at anyway,
shoving me out the window like that?
Just a misunderstanding.
-Oh, yeah? -A little mistake.
Was it 'eckers like! My mistake for listening to you.
-Now, Lydia... -That's enough of that!
Look, be reasonable, darling.
Enough of you, too!
Hamish?
Hamish!
It's not gonna do you any good, you know!
It's looking much better.
SIEGFRIED: Fortunately, there's no internal damage.
With a bit of luck,
I think he'll be perfectly all right.
-James, excuse me. -Sorry, sorry.
Now, I'm wondering whether we oughtn't take him home after all,
keep an eye on him as he comes around?
-There you are little fella. -Do you think that's wise?
-SIEGFRIED: Why not? -Well...
SIEGFRIED: Why so cautious, James?
Well, we'll talk about it later.
What's the matter, James?
JAMES: No, nothing, nothing.
-Where's the telephone? -Around the corner of the desk. Why?
-I've got to ring Tris. -What for?
The fool has lost Hamish.
-Oh, no, he hasn't! -Oh yes, he has!
And if Siegfried gets back before he finds him,
heaven knows what will happen!
Oh, thank you. Just what I need.
-Thanks. -How's he coming on?
Well, I'm not promising anything,
but I think he'll be all right.
That's grand.
-The children will be pleased. -Aye.
Funny thing, must be a night for strays.
Someone just brought another in.
Oh, no. I'm sorry, one stray per night is my limit.
May I use the telephone?
-Help yourself. -Thank you.
It's a fine-looking fella.
Looks as if he's been to a vet as a matter of fact.
He's got one ear all stitched up
with what looks like old shirt buttons.
It crossed my mind, you might know something.
Excuse me. James!
Anybody in?
TRISTAN: Hamish!
Hello?
TRISTAN: Hamish!
(SIGHS)
Ah, Miss Westerman. I was just about to telephone you.
-Where's my Hamish? -Well, if you'll just come with me...
What have you done with him?
Well, I'm afraid, he's not yet come around from the anaesthetic.
Nonsense! I heard you calling him!
-Yes, I was trying to wake him. -In the garden?
No. No, no, in the surgery.
I just popped into the garden for a breath of fresh air.
It's such a beautiful night, isn't it?
Oh, my poor boy.
-I must see him. -No, I wouldn't advise it...
-I insist! -I really think...
-Mr Farnon, I am not used to being... -JAMES: Tristan!
-Excuse me. -(SCOFFS)
James, what on earth am I gonna do?
-James? -Yes?
MISS WESTERMAN: Mr Farnon!
James!
JAMES: This any help?
Oh, James, you're a miracle worker!
I'll never forget you for this!
How dare you?
Oh...
Hamish...
I didn't want to raise your hopes too much.
He looks quite perky, Miss Westerman.
He is.
You know, for a minute in there,
I really thought something had happened to him.
-(BOTH CHUCKLE) -Oh, really?
Come along, boy, come along.
That's it.
Good night, Miss Westerman.
-Good night, Miss Westerman. -Idiot!
Idiot.
(TRISTAN SINGING)
# The sun has got his hat on
# Hip-hip-hip hooray... #
Fine time in the morning to get up.
-Morning, Siegfried. -Morning!
Morning, morning.
Eggs?
Bacon? Sausages?
Hardly the siege mentality, Siegfried.
No...
Well, I shall speak to Mrs Hall about it.
Do you think that's wise, Siegfried?
-What? -Talking to Mrs Hall?
Well, do you think it might be better to say nothing about it at all?
Oh, I think so.
I mean, remembering what happened last time.
Yes, I think you're absolutely right.
I must confess to being
a trifle peckish, after last night.
You didn't get to the party at all, then?
My dear boy, we didn't finish till past 1:00.
I bet old Headingley was livid.
I dare say you were missed as well.
Oh, yes. Well, business is business.
Yes, indeed.
I hear you had quite a profitable night.
Yes, I suppose I did, really.
-Miss Westerman was terribly pleased. -Oh, good, good, good, good.
Said she was worried sick something awful had happened to Hamish.
(MEN CHUCKLING)
-She didn't? -She did.
Can't think why.
Perhaps it was because Constable Blenkiron told her.
Pardon?
SIEGFRIED: That...
Hamish was handed in like a forgotten parcel.
That's what happened, isn't it?
Anyway, don't let me spoil the party.
I must be off.
You haven't finished your breakfast.
I know, my dear. No rest for the wicked.
Mr Stokill's got a packed morning's work for me.
-Stokill? We were only there yesterday. -Yes.
Yes, I know. That's why I'm hurrying.
If you two were anywhere near...
It'll probably take all afternoon as well.
Come on, boys.
Come on, come on.
(DOGS BARKING)